Family II: Human Puppet
by Lady Amarra
Summary: Rin's fight with her heart will Sesshomarou ever love her? or send her away!companion piece to mirror to my soul. Second part in the triology. FINISHED.


**Notes: **I am not totally sure from where this one came, I am not even sure how it came  
to be but it is there and I enjoyed the two hours I spent writing it. It was a very  
spontaneous thing and different from what I normally do, so I had to post it before I get  
back to my mind and delete it again, so my beta only got a short look. Sorry for the  
typos – I am only German, and this is English as you may have seen. O.o

_IMPORTANT READ "Mirror to my Soul" It's Sesshomarou's part of the  
story! for you won't understand some things if you don't! and there  
is a third part "Grace" for some more insight on Sesshomarou._

**Disclimer****  
Nothing mine, you know I wouldn't waste time to bring these stories on screen if  
they where mine, ne?**

**Human puppet**

I could not understand what I was as I was young.

When I looked into the water I found not more than a little clumsy girl with a dirty face  
who was running along behind the perfection itself; strong, quick, noble, silent and ice  
cold…white and clean, always perfect and deadly, a perfect killer. Although I could not  
see the part with the killer yet, I was still too innocent to really understand what he was  
or who.

For me he was the protector that I loved with all my heart; the one who woke me from  
the dead after the wolves killed me and ate away on my body. The memory of this  
feeling still makes me shiver in cold nights- being eaten alive- awful memories they  
are. But he was there as I woke – like every time I woke with this nightmare- staring  
down on me with a cold and emotionless face which I mistook for beauty and care for  
me – a simple dirty human.

With the years he started to care less about me and my nightmares, never was there  
anymore when I cried out in the darkness of the night. As I turned 15- which was what I  
thought would be my age for I never really cared how old I was before he found me- he  
moved me; out of the chambers close to him to the far end of the women's quarters  
where all his concubines and the court ladies lived. I could not understand why he did so  
at first – and to be honest, I thought he might hate me so much to cast me away because  
I had done something wrong – till I got cramps and this dirty human woman thing.

In that night a concubine – that my Lord had told to look for me- had spit out at me as I  
asked for her help – I had no clue what was happening to me as innocent as I still had  
been in those days- growling at me that I was dirty and would pollute the air with my  
bloody smell of human heat.

I understood what had happened to me as she threw some clean cloth at me and kicked  
me out of her chambers, muttering about me being a filthy human bitch now that would  
end up as servant of some sort now that she was unclean.

I hid away from the world for the next days, praying that the bleeding would finally  
stop – only hearing by accident from the guards that the Lord had left for a few days -  
probably because he could not stand my smell anymore.

I needed some time before I finally dared to get out again, seeking Jaken and his advice  
– which was in those days still the most intelligent advices I could get from anyone in  
the castle- and ask him what happened to me and where the Lord was gone.

He told me that I wasn't a little girl anymore and that the Lord could not- rather would  
not- let himself down to do as if I was more than I am any longer. I was a fragile, weak,  
imperfect human woman that would have been killed so easily- with a neck that would  
break to his claws as easily as a twig in a storm. And now that I would bleed once a  
month the perfect and noble Lord Sesshomarou didn't think of me as a proper company  
anymore – or something like that, for Jaken had a hard time getting out anything in a  
way I understood. He was to busy being embarrassed about it too much.

I had grown a woman – but unlike the other woman in the court which served the lord  
in some way- I was hid away in the far corner of his palace. The only company I had  
were concubines and such that weren't exactly nice to me now that I had lost my Lord's  
protection- totally on the opposite- seemingly it was some kind of turn on for him to  
pick the concubines for his pleasure that were picking on me the most.

It never had been a secret for me what he did with those cocky female demons with  
their white faces, red lips and black hair. I always knew that their Obis where tied in the  
front for easier access whilst serving with their bodies. Another sign for how low I was  
in the order; I was not even allowed to wear a proper obi or Kimono. Just these old  
yukatas which I got from Jaken now and then - tied with a simple piece of cloth nothing  
special.

I thought about leaving more than once in the years that followed; but never could do so.  
One look at my Lord's face and anything inside me seemed to melt.

He was a killer and King; perfection in every fibre of his pale and muscled body and  
my heart could not turn away from his cold being even if it meant that the short human  
existence I had would pass with bowing for demons who hated me more than the fleas in  
their horse's mane- crushing me at least as easily as them.

And now? Now I had to leave for real.

Leave and look where my life would lead from now on - like every other human who  
worked in the fields or in the woods.

No, it wasn't my choice to leave my home. I was more or less forced to do so. Ito one  
of his favourite concubines caught me looking at a gift he had ordered for her; a little  
mirror out of silver which was framed from little red flowers- something he never  
would have gifted me with, not after I had turned dirty anyway- and the first thing she  
did was grabbing me by my hair and dragging me out into the rain where she screamed  
at me that I was a thief and a unthankful one at that.

Of course he heard it and ordered her into his rooms, ordering Jaken to dry me up and  
get me into some clean cloths before I should come to his study later that day to clear  
up what happened. I did so; ready to swear that I had not done anything but it seemed  
useless to begin with.

I heard his words as I was waiting outside his study for entrance; Punishing the thief,  
executing her for the unforgivable crime of stealing the gift meant for the engagement  
with his future wife.

That moment was enough for me to understand that I really was nothing more than a  
piece of dirt for him anymore, so I went running back into my room and grabbed the  
little I owned, rushing out through the hole in the garden wall that I had found out years  
ago to escape through the rain before he would find me.

Deep Inside I knew it was useless to run, useless to even try. He was a killer after  
all, an ice cold perfect killer that merely wanted to avoid his father's failures to treat  
humans too much like beings of worth.

He would probably drag me back there and kill me in the middle of the dirty court like  
he had done with the rapist last summer who had tried to get the daughter of one of his  
generals. Killed, awoken, skinned alive, killed, awoken, castrated and killed again…  
only to repeat it once more – I turned so sick from this show of power that I was glad to hide  
away for my time of the month only to not look at this spectacle any longer.

Lightning crashes and I fall to the ground, stupid tree roots. This way I also could have  
stayed and let myself get killed right there from his claws. But before I could move to  
get back on my legs, two clawed hands pull me up and set me on my feet under the  
same tree which caused me to fall only a moment ago. I don't need to look up to see  
who it is. I know it from endless years of following him.

"Rin…" He sounds asking and demanding for an answer at the same time. He never  
asks he always demands.

"I am sorry Lord…" I mutter and he lets go of my shoulders, I go to my knees and  
don't mind the mud and all. Seemingly this surprises him for he steps back a bit,  
probably to have space to ready his sword for the strike that will fall any moment.  
Stupid of me to think I ever was worth something to him, even as a child.

"Why have you left the castle in this rain…?" He demands and I am almost too tired of  
the whole game to give him what he wants. I am so tired and sorry to be a simple  
human, too dirty and too weak for him to bother him more. When did I stop calling him  
by his name? Does this Question even matter now? I don't think so anymore.

"I am sorry Lord I should have stayed and faced my punishment…" I answer him and  
get a loud thunder as my answer. For the first time in my life I don't care for it.  
Normally I always went hiding from these sounds of storm- ever since I had to sleep  
outside on our travels. The memory of the past makes me smile in some way, scary  
how life can turn and flip.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and press them shut, the smile gone from  
my lips. Any second I would feel his deadly blade or his green wipe. No, I probably would  
not even feel how my head would be parted from my body – he's perfect with everything  
he does.

"Why do you think I would punish you…?" I hear him and opposite to what I expect I  
find him going on his knees in the mud before me, reaching for my chin to look up to  
him. "Have you done anything that would make me punish you?"

"Didn't your concubine tell you what I did?" I asked and he just looks at me as cold  
and grim as always. "I am a thief… and thieves die by your hangman's hands…" I could  
swear he looked amused from my words- something he barely did as long as I knew  
him.

"There is an execution this morning… for the thief that stole a precious gift that I meant  
to give my future wife for her birthday next week…" He explained calmly and I sighed  
inside, so he would kill me by morrow. How I ever thought I could escape was beyond  
me at this point. "But this thief isn't you Rin…"

"Not me? But…Ito…" I babbled and had to admit that I was beyond understanding  
what he meant right in this moment.

"The thief was Ito… the faithless bitch stole it from my room…" He explained and rose  
to his legs, taking me with him to get back on my legs. Shock and chill of the weather  
caught up with me so I could not support my weight anymore but he caught me safely,  
scooting me up in his arms to rest against the his fluffy tail. "It was meant for you…"

5 words that I never had thought possible, 5 words that made me stare at his cold face all  
the way he carried me back to the castle till he laid me down in his own bed and stayed  
with me.

5 words that made me so confused that it took a while to understand it fully.

Longer than it took for Ito to surrender and give in to her crimes, longer than it took for  
her to be banned from the Western lands along with a couple of the other concubines  
that had treated me so badly.

Perhaps I will understand one day why I had to suffer through the years close and still  
away from him; probably I already have a pretty good clue when I look at our Hanyou  
children playing and how protective he is about them.

Probably this is a mere dream and I still lay in these dark woods, wolves eating away  
on my flesh and blood.

But even If it is so, I don't mind.


End file.
